RECENTLY...

Honestly, something I have been struggling so deeply with is my ability to live in the present. I have tried so many things in the past to try and fix this and work on my ability to just live in the moment however, none ever stick. I'm not sure what did it for me, but I think I've finally started to stick to something and I found meditation. I listened to this Audiobook called The Mental Toughness Advantage by Douglas Clydesdale Comstock on my way home from New York City. (I know, you missed a chapter here. Yes we are dating again that will be further explained)

Anyway, in this book about mental toughness, Clydesdale talked about all the ways to just become a mentally tough person and reflect on your actions. One way that Clydesdale suggested doing that, was making a wheel of the traits that you believe it takes to be a mentally tough person. Then, in each blank area on the wheel, you have to try to rate yourself on how much you think you portray that quality on a scale of 1-5. There were more steps, but I won't summarize the whole book for you because I'm not SparkNotes, I just wanted to give you the rundown.

Moving on, as I was thinking about the qualities I thought it took, I realized I really dug into my athletics. I always refer to athletics and lacrosse when I think about the term mental toughness. And I believe that's because it takes so much to be an athlete mentally and it can really start to drain you if you don't take control of it (I've really learned the hard way this year). I thought about the qualities that first came to mind, motivation, persistence, hard work, grit, and open-mindedness, and then finally I thought of one I've never really portrayed in my own character. The ability to be present. And I think I lack this trait. Actually, I don't think, I most definitely do lack. And I don't mean the "YOLO" get crazy lit everyday kind of present, I mean just my ability to live in the moment. Not thinking about the future or the past, just now. Being here and now.

This was discussed in the Audiobook as well, being present is so important to just your overall mental wellbeing. And I've learned more and more that it is so draining to overthink about things. I find myself honestly really envying people who manage to stay so optimistic and present. I hope I can eventually say that is me. And a quote that I think brings me some sort of ease is the serenity prayer,

"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Living one day at a time, enjoying one moment at a time, and accepting the hardship as a pathway to peace"

While I can't say that I am really religious, this quote brought me some sort of ease. It was actually mentioned in The Mental Toughness Advantage as well. I wrote it down and every morning I just read it after I meditate and journal and start my day.

It hit me that I needed to be more present, when I spent over 5 hours watching film on a lacrosse practice that really meant nothing. I realized that it is so draining to let something so small take up 80% of my time awake. Not to mention having dreams about it! So like yeah. This had to stop.

I figured my best way to go about this recurring issue was what everyone finds their peace doing. Meditation. Now, I know it sounds like I am mentioning a lot right now, and I can't quite remember the name of the podcast (I believe it was the Date Yourself Instead podcast I've mentioned in previous blogs) but I heard about the Joe Dispenza morning meditation. And I didn't know which to do, however, there is a 35 minute one on abundance and gratitude and I decided to just do it. I didn't really know where to start so I just picked the first one.

I am not going to lie to you and say I am the best at believing that meditation works. But it did. And it does. I have never thought so and I used to really think it was just a waste of time, but it has helped me in every way possible. I just feel so at ease, like nothing can really phase me like it did prior. Yes, I get upset, I just feel very aware and okay with myself. I've taken the time to really just work on me recently and it has quite literally been the best decision ever.

I've taken the time to do it every morning and it has allowed me to feel so positive and just be sure of myself. As for living in the present and focusing less on the past and future, it has helped to an extent, but I will give more updates as I continue to do so. I just feel like for now it is helping a little, I can see it helping a lot more as I get better and just really indulging in the meditation. The thing with meditation that I actually struggle with is staying focused on the meditation and not letting my mind wander during it (shocker). But every time I have been able to fully give my mind to the meditation, I have felt better than ever. So.. 10/10 recommend meditating, finding yourself, journaling, living. GOAL OF 2024: FIND YOURSELF, DO THINGS THAT ALIGN WITH YOUR GOALS, FOCUS ON SELF CARE AND BE SO FREAKING SELFISH

NEXT ERA ALERT (THAT I HOPE IS LASTING)

Okay now another update for everyone. As you can see I am in this self love journey, and I'm currently in my "align with my goals" era. Where I pretty much just am chasing the life that I desire right now and it is freaking (my family reads this) AMAZING. I love just knowing that I am doing things that align with my goals and my future. And I lowkey think it's addicting. Like every time I am about to make a decision I like to just think to myself, "is this helping or hurting me". It has lead me to go out less, make decisions that are best for me, spend WAY less money, and just understand myself. I think something that I still need to do however, is write down these goals that I need to align with. Because right now, I have a general idea and a good visual, but I haven't quite just laid it all out.

Also, I caved and made a vision board. I kept telling myself I was going to do it when I moved into a house with my friends because I was too embarrassed to have it in my shared dorm room. But I found a way around it and have it on my computer!! It has helped me so much. I just refer back to it and it's just so pretty and motivating.

I also.... got back together with my boyfriend. And I am so, so happy with my decision. I decided that I just needed to commit one way or another. Having the in-between with him, wasn't working for me and didn't align with what I wanted so.. I JUST DID IT. And I really think that it was just best for me to not have any other confusion with us still in contact but broken up/somewhat in contact/not in contact. It was just too all over the place and I caved and I thought to myself "If you love him just commit, literally what do you have to lose".

Anyway, definitely try meditating, definitely listen to books and podcasts, definitely get back together with your boyfriend (just joking..unless..no I'm kidding do what's best for you...). And live presently. As I try to learn to be more in the moment, I find it so much more relieving and it is so much less mind draining.