I've been inspired..

For some reason one day walking in the city with my boyfriend, I quickly got a feeling of comfort. And not the type of comfort you get when you're in your bed with blankets and warmth from the cold outside air. But the type of comfort that you feel when you all of a sudden click. All of the toss-ups and indecision have been made up and figured out. You just know what you want, that kind of comfort. And suddenly I just knew what I wanted.

To start off we went to a restaurant in Manhattan. To narrate this for you, we were sitting in what looked to be a 5-star MANHATTAN restaurant, dressed like we should've been in a pizza shop in Syracuse, easily the worst dressed there. Wearing my flannel and ripped jeans I started to look around and really realize what I wanted my life to look like in the future. I was simultaneously feeling anxious about how I looked and inspired at the same time. I saw people not stressing, enjoying their time, well dressed, sophisticated. I wanted to be sophisticated, and feel mature and put together but for some reason as a girl in college, it seems so out of reach and so difficult.

As a procrastinator, I spend so much time wishing I did things that I never end up getting done at the time I wanted them to. But something clicked with me that day in New York City. All of a sudden I felt this intense urge to get my life together. (similar to the urge you may get on a Sunday morning after a chaotic weekend). All over New York, you see people dressed to go to work, put together and ready to go about their day, doing work in big buildings and dressed in business clothes. But none of this was cool to them, this was just their lifestyle.

When I got home after that weekend, I started brainstorming. I wrote down exactly what I wanted out of my life in my journal. I'm not going to lie and say I haven't heard this before, my dad has told me to do this at least 100 times. Write out what you want, write your goals, and write a plan. I give him a lot of credit for how I am today. But I made a plan, everything that would lead me to my goal was in this plan. So some of my more simple goals were:

Get organized, use planners, don't miss due dates, and have a plan for each day so I don't feel anxious and miss things. It'll make me feel more put together and "sophisticated". (seems to be the word that best described what I saw in NYC)

Dress like you care about yourself, and portray yourself how you want to be viewed. When I saw all the business people dressed in such nice business clothes and ready to work it gave them a certain persona. I assumed they were put together, I assumed they were headed home from work, and I assumed they had their head on straight. This is what I wanted to give off, no matter what's going on behind the scenes.

Live in the moment, stop stressing about things that are out of my control. Do things I don't want to do that are bound to better me and get me closer to my goals. Because at the end of the day, each minor action you take is just a tiny little fraction of your life. No successful person can say they didn't need to have a lot of discipline, its hard to stay consistent. I'm sure we all know that. Nobody WANTS to wake up and work their 9 to 5, nobody WANTS to go lift more than their body weight in the gym every single day. Every time I think I don't want to do something, I find myself revisiting why I started, why I have to go to the gym today, and why I have to work even when I'm burnt out. But everyone says that and it isn't as easy as it sounds, why DID I start? What does that have to do with why I don't want to today?

As a college athlete, I can think of a lot of examples of times I certainly didn't want to go to a team lift or practice at 6 in the morning. And of course, I start to get down on it and don't want to and wish for other things. It seems so hard to just revisit why I started, so when this happens I think about where I want to be and the vision I have for myself in the next weeks, months, and years. Sometimes this makes it easier, but it's still not easy. I just have to remember how badly I want to achieve these goals. However, when I do find myself just letting it happen, allowing myself to fully engage and indulge in the moment, I find it so much easier to get through the hard times that have me thinking negatively. I just have to clear my head to do so.

I've started something I find pretty cool when I find myself thinking too much about not wanting to do something. I recenter myself by writing down why it is such a great opportunity, and why it may be just another roadblock I have to get through to stay on the path with my goals. Remember that each day is a gift and not everything is promised. Life is so fragile take it seriously and do your days with intention. I've begun forcing myself to write down EVERYTHING (and to be honest sometimes I'm even lazy about that-- But get it done), reminding myself of the feeling I feel when I'm organized. Because usually if I attach a feeling to what I'm doing, I'm more likely to remember if it was good or bad and not want to or want to feel it again. I also have always been on and off with journaling, but I've started back up again. It just helps me feel so organized and ready to start my day.

Nevertheless, I felt as though I NEEDED to start blogging, I LOVE to write but hate the thought of analyses and guidelines. I think it'll be fun and a good way for me to share my experiences with people.

11/21/23